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Smuggler’s Blues

April 28, 2012

Dear Walter Schoepf Schopf,

It was nice to see you at church this evening.  Please know that Felon-free Masonry applauds your efforts to get closer to God while laboring under felony charges because most usually wait until jail to find Jesus.  

Oh, and what’s with that nasty front fender mangling?  Surely it’s not a game of if the feds are gonna take my stuff, I’m gonna funk it up first, right? 

No, surely not.  

Now, on to the meat of the message. 

Though Felon-free Masonry fully supports the assertion that the accused are innocent until proven guilty, it must ask:  Did you ever consider smuggling shrimp from foreign lands into the United States and if so, how would you do it? 

You probably couldn’t tape the shrimp to your body as depicted in Midnight Express; it’s doubtful the slippery suckers would adhere for more than a few seconds if even.  However, much can be said about body odor masking the smell of shrimp or shellfish; properly labeled or otherwise.

And, given a predilection for Birks, you couldn’t ferry food in footwear.  However, you could bring along felon Foster to fill a boot and a hat or such.

But whatever you would do, please don’t bring along Joe K (hey, that almost spells joke).  You know, what with him being admittedly so easily coerced into filing false charges against an innocent brother.   Do not think for one second that such an individual would not toss a shrimp smuggler off of the boat.

So that leaves Jim. 

Yes, use Jim.  You know he’d never leave behind photographic evidence, on the wall or otherwise, and perhaps your relationship would adapt well to a prison environment. 

Sincerely,

Felon-free Masonry

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